Grief, real grief I mean.

[Kenobi]

Anyone ever mourned anyone? Thats a stupid question actually we all have lost people I bet.

Anyone ever dealt with it? I think what im asking is Has anyone got any advice for someone in mourning?

Is there any wrong way to do it?

I know self destructing is NOT a good idea.

Ive spoke to a few peeps on RTOC in the past that I know have lost people close to them.

Im not sure whether I burried my grief and have it bubble up in fits of anger and stuff.

PS i know rtoc aint the samaritans but i reckon for £10 resubscription fee you lot can sort my head and my 5 out lol.

[RussellT]

Sorry to hear that you are suffering. Bereavment is something we all have to face and it is important to allow yourself to grieve.

here is a website with some useful advice but dont be afraid to have a chat with your GP

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealt...reavement.aspx

[Kenobi]

Sorry to hear that you are suffering. Bereavment is something we all have to face and it is important to allow yourself to grieve.

here is a website with some useful advice but dont be afraid to have a chat with your GP

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealt...reavement.aspx

Ta mate ive done a bit of research im really after personal experience. Ya know "i did this" This wasnt a good idea" "This was a nice thing to do"

[D4WNO]

Awww I hope you're okay Dan. By the time I was 22 I'd lost 6 friends, I'd "dealt" with far too much for that age already. The word dealt was in inverted commas because I'm not sure if what I was doing was actually dealing with it or not.

Its cliche but everyone deals with grief in their own way I I think I treated it differently every time, there is no pattern or ways to get over it best. Every time you think you've got it sorted, something will happen and you'll be back to stage one and missing that piece of your puzzle once more.

The best piece of advice that I can give you is to never hold it in, if you do then when it comes out (and it will), it will come out in spectacular fashion! The next is to not be scared to talk to people about it, this is where you learn who your true friends really are. They'll make time just to talk to you or will just sit there and lend you their shoulder. Let it out and talk to people, bottling it up is the worst thing you can do.

[dj13]

Long story short. Although not the only friend i have lost the one that stands out the most and kind of the final straw!
I found my best m8 passed out on the coach obviously he was dead vomit in mouth rigamortis etc etc.. This was in Gran Canaria. He died of alchol poisening.

It was pure madness his sister was in the same apartment . It was a hard to get over just the experiance was more than enogh to put you of drink.
I got a tattoo which tbh I kind of regret but its there now so I must live with it although at the time I thought it was a great idea.It now reminds me how short life is.
At the time though I went on a mission of mass distruction wounded every nite different birds ,drugs, beer etc etc. Didnt do me any good although some may beg to differ.

People morn differentley friend some people self disrtuct others keep it locked up I found talking to my friends family helped the most but it doesnt help the fact you have just lost someone you love. I found time was my best heeler.

I hope you can keep your head up and be strong for those who need you the most in this time of need!! Also try to keep busy.

[TNT Tricky Nicky]

PS i know rtoc aint the samaritans but i reckon for £10 resubscription fee you lot can sort my head and my 5 out lol.

after i went through a rough patch at the beginning of the year it was actually 3 rtoc members who took me out for a drink, people i'd probably never have meet if it wasn't for rtoc. i found it was good to talk, didn't matter what it was about, it was good just to kno there are people there for you.

[Kenobi]

PS i know rtoc aint the samaritans but i reckon for £10 resubscription fee you lot can sort my head and my 5 out lol.

after i went through a rough patch at the beginning of the year it was actually 3 rtoc members who took me out for a drink, people i'd probably never have meet if it wasn't for rtoc. i found it was good to talk, didn't matter what it was about, it was good just to kno there are people there for you.

It is good to talk Im glad people on rtoc can share abit about thier experiences. Good to know people are sympathetic to mourning. Ive lost mates I think becuase they didnt wanna call and speak to me. Ya know they where a bit worried about talking to me??? I dont blame them like. You just appreciate people who will sit and chat with ya bout it.

[raj]

i think ill be needed to look into this, a few weeks back we was told my pops has lung cancer and theres nothing they can do about it[never smoked in his life]
its already made my head twitch from thinking about it all the time.
after being told i cant help but keep watching my pops everyday.
sometimes i sit back and say to myself "no matter how you go when your time comes,your time comes. its already been written" some may find that strange,other will get what i mean. we all have to go some day, some sooner than others.

[D4WNO]

Raj, I'm really sorry to hear that. In June one of my closest friends was diagnosed with Cancer and paired with the lymph problems he has, it had made for a very poorly boy. The first time you see him after a chemo (I assume they'll still treat him this way) will probably be extremely shocking and once the hair has gone it all feels more real if that makes sense?

It's extremely hard on the family on friends but what's even harder is that you have to be strong for them too, all when you are feeling at your weakest. If you need a shoulder or anything from someone who is recently and still is going through this, you know where I am

[OUTLAW]

sorry to hear that bud, i agree with you, when your time comes...etc etc. fate,. i hope your pops gets better though....

[raj]

Raj, I'm really sorry to hear that. In June one of my closest friends was diagnosed with Cancer and paired with the lymph problems he has, it had made for a very poorly boy. The first time you see him after a chemo (I assume they'll still treat him this way) will probably be extremely shocking and once the hair has gone it all feels more real if that makes sense?

It's extremely hard on the family on friends but what's even harder is that you have to be strong for them too, all when you are feeling at your weakest. If you need a shoulder or anything from someone who is recently and still is going through this, you know where I am

thanks dawn, as for chemo,they cant put him through that as he has heart problems and is on alot of meds for that,also has a pace maker. this is what first p1ssed me off so to speak! knowing that there is treatmemnt but my pops cant go through with it. so it really is a case of waiting for the systoms to come through, only then can the docs help to ease he pain, thats all they can do.
i try and keep my mind off it but its always there in the back of my mind everytime i look at him.
i making the best of it now, for him and for my mum. thats all i can do.

[D4WNO]

In a weird roundabout way, you may be thankful for him not to be able to have chemo. My friend Graeme would have a delayed reaction, it would take about 4 days after the treatment for it to hit him and then for 12 days after that he would feel like total and utter crap and not able to leave his hospital bed. With your dads heart problems it'll probably knock him for 6 and he just wouldn't be getting value out of his time left as he'd be feeling the worst he ever has for a long time. I hope that makes sense

[Kenobi]

Sorry to hear Bout ya pops Raj.

My mates lilun is having kemo hes not even 2 years old yet.


Does this prove theres no god?

[raj]

In a weird roundabout way, you may be thankful for him not to be able to have chemo. My friend Graeme would have a delayed reaction, it would take about 4 days after the treatment for it to hit him and then for 12 days after that he would feel like total and utter crap and not able to leave his hospital bed. With your dads heart problems it'll probably knock him for 6 and he just wouldn't be getting value out of his time left as he'd be feeling the worst he ever has for a long time. I hope that makes sense

dawn, it makes perfect sense. its exactly what the docs explained to me.

[scratcher]

raj mate, thats sad news about your old man i hope they can do something for him.

when i was younger my nan and grandad died within a year of each other and i was so upset about it for a long time. but the easiest way i got through it was to get my bike out and go for a ride, whatever time it was. i've been into bmx for years you see and its something i love to do and something they loved to hear about.
i'm not saying to go ride a bike, just stay focused on the things you love to do, keep busy and you might find it easier to come to terms with it that way too?

[Kenobi]

raj mate, thats sad news about your old man i hope they can do something for him.

when i was younger my nan and grandad died within a year of each other and i was so upset about it for a long time. but the easiest way i got through it was to get my bike out and go for a ride, whatever time it was. i've been into bmx for years you see and its something i love to do and something they loved to hear about.
i'm not saying to go ride a bike, just stay focused on the things you love to do, keep busy and you might find it easier to come to terms with it that way too?

keep busy thats a goodun 2. I shall keep busy. Its only when im alone, maybe even bored that I suffer.

[Misky]

I know what your goin through! Its crap!
When my dad left home it felt like I lost lost someone and tbh I did, I have never seen him in 15 years.
I was only young at the time (around 8) and that really hurt. Around 4 years later my grandad died of bowel cancer, the thing that was the biggest joke is that all he ate was fresh fruit/veg all the time. He left behind me, my brother, my mum and his pairents who where 90's.
My great gran found it hard to deal with. Then to top it all off within the space of a year my great grandad died. My great gran died shortly after, I think it was from all the heart ache she had sufford of loosing her son and husband in such short succession.

Its NOT true that time is a healer. It just makes living slightly easier. You will never forget who you have lost.

Like its been said keep busy! im sure a 5 will do! its helped me a lot recently with the diffcult split with my ex g/f.

And if all else fails talk about it weather it be to a close family friend or a RTOC member. We will all have time for you!

What an essay!